Good-Bye hospital, Hello HOME!!

Gavin (L) Griffin (R)

Welcome home balloons!!

I was going to ride in the front seat with Randy on the way home but, we both were a little nervous so I sat where I could see the boys. We both smiled and were scared the whole ride. Life as we knew it has officially changed!

Randy pushing the boys out of the nursery. The sign above his head reads "Special Care Nursery".

This was a great day and a sad day. This is our primary care nurse, Michelle right before we left for good. She was perfect for me and reminded me to take care of myself. Her most important job was to care for our boys. She was so good for us because she was always realistic, down to earth and didn't fill our heads with all the potential scary stuff. She was with us every day for the week that the boys were in the SCN. The boys had great care in the evenings and nights but, it worked out perfect that she was our primary because her way meshed well with how Randy and I believe we want things to go with the boys. She and I spent a lot of time together. She was a great listening ear. She had numerous words of wisdom and helped me work out some things I was conflicted with. Re:breastfeeding/expressing milk for the boys. She helped remind me, as did my OB and the pediatrician/neonatologists, that the boys need a mom who is sane over a mom who is running crazy between all the attempted nursings/pumping and caring for the boys. Remember that crying stuff I had talked of earlier? Once I gave myself permission to stop trying to be "supermom" to the boys and after hearing from the professionals that it was OK for me to stop trying, I have had no more tears!! Guilt has subsided and I am finally feeling like I can enjoy my babies more. (When you have preemies, it isn't as easy as just putting them to the breast and they know what to do....you have to be patient and nurse 1/nurse 2/pump/clean up and start it all over again. It is very taxing on a body that is still healing from delivery, running back and forth to the hospital and all the other things in between. I felt like I couldn't just hold my babies and stare at them to learn all their little characteristics. To the moms out there that can do it, my hat's off to you! To those of you like me, my hat's off to you too! We all have to find our own way and not be made to feel bad about it.

With that, I am signing off and going to enjoy these little miracles some more!