Has anyone seen my memory?

So many people have told me once you have kids you can't remember a thing. Well, there has been way too much proof of that. I typically have had an excellent memory. It was one thing I always had going for me and has helped me tremendously in my professions and personal life. Well, I hope it comes back one day because right now...it has left the building.

My mind is so full with thoughts of my boys and keeping all their info and the info from the nurses/doctors and the like. Who would think that "normal" full term babies get to go right home without an instruction manual? Well, ours are coming with a manual so to speak. I kind of like that actually. I am glad we are getting our training wheels right now so we will be ready for the ride of our lives by the time the kids are freed from the hospital training program.

If ever you are seeing a post that may not be edited right or sounds a little off, know that I mean well but, I am going down the sleep deprivation path. I have been attempting to do something I never in a million years would have thought I would EVER do.....no matter the circumstances.....Nurse my babies. I have confused Randy with this as I had told him I was not willing to breastfeed but, I would express my milk to feed the babies. Then I said, I am not going to do that since that will take so much time (every 3 hrs during the day and every 4 at night as of now...schedule given to me by the nurses/neonatologist). Well, after meeting these two little precious wonders, I have done a 180 and am trying to do anything I can to help them grow. The neonatologist told me that breast milk helps to coat the intestines and make things gentler on the babies. Also all of the antibodies etc. found in breast milk would help my babies especially since they are preemies. They are big preemies but, size isn't as important as the maturity of their 2,000 parts.  Especially their organs and systems. Griffin has a little harder time with digestion right now and that is purely due to immaturity.
I decided to express my milk and that has been fine. It is a full time gig but, so worth it.

One day while I was kangarooing with Griffin, he started licking my skin, it felt very natural to tip him sideways and attempt nursing. Randy and I were both floored at this thought! How in the world can I be the same person who wanted to run screaming out of a breastfeeding class we attended back in February? Anyway, I tipped Griffin and he knew just what to do! The medical team has told me that the boys would just nuzzle me and not really know what to do yet, again because of their immaturity. BOTH Gavin and Griffin know just what to do and do it!!  Our NICU nurse was so patient and helped me to learn what I to do. I hadn't read anything about nursing since I was absolutely not going to do it. I did however, pay pretty good attention at the BF class we attended. (I sat in that room so freaked out by things I was hearing and the thought of feeding another human from me) That did make things familiar when the NICU nurse said what to do. We are nursing a couple of times a day now. We can't do it as a full time thing because both boys need more calories than they get via breastmilk right now. Their milk is being fortified and administered via feeding tubes in their noses right now. We will continue to work on the nursing thing and hopefully be quite proficient at it before we get home.

This may be a topic some of you are quite uncomfortable with. I am one of those people so I can empathize. And if you are still reading, I thank you for not writing me off during this post. However, as a new mom, when you see these two little people who you know are depending on you and, you know you have waited so long to meet them, you will do anything, and I mean anything, to make sure they are cared for in the best possible manner to give them the best opportunity to mature and grow to be the wonderful little people we will continue to get to know.

The miracle of life is and amazing and awesome thing that I am so priveleged to get to experience.